A rolling catalogue of come-ons and catcalls our writers had hurled at them this month. Unfortunately, not uncommon in the female experience. Here’s what we wished we could have said.
Shout out to the middle-aged construction worker who thought it was oh-so-necessary to hoot and holler at me from the rooftop. This occurred while I was on the job with clients. The added dumping of water over your chest and screaming “Oh, baby,” was original. Yes, I see you. And I raise you a middle finger.
An older man on the sidewalk yelled, “Fuck, you’re sexy,” at me while shoving a piece of pizza into his face. Right back at you, dude.
I was in a store, just browsing as you do, and a guy walked in with his girlfriend, then proceeded to check me out while she looked at clothes. Ignoring it, I went about my shopping but soon after had the uncomfortable feeling I was being watched. Sure enough, I turned around to see it was him, yuck. This went on over and again until I left the store. Not interested, thanks!
The next time a strange man commands me to “smile, sweetheart!” I’m going to retort with “Whip your dick out!” I feel like it’s only fair that a command be met with an even better one.
“No se como comerlo,” is something I heard while strolling through Buenos Aires, Argentina with a bilingual girlfriend. I ducked the Argentine Cat Calls with my then ignorance to the Spanish language. After this particularly aggressive “Piropo” (as the Argentines call it), my friend cupped her mouth in horror. “I can’t believe I just heard that!” I begged for the translation, while she shook her head. “He said, ‘I wouldn’t even know how to eat that.’”
Use the hashtag #catcalldiaries to submit your heinous come-ons.